Tuesday 28 May 2013

Happy Birthday....

I had the beginnings of a whole new blog starting to unfold in my head.....then....I realised it was one of my best friends birthdays...and the day is nearly over...I am devastated!  How did I not know??  How could I have forgotten???  Am I the worst friend ever????  I tried to call....I sent a fb message....I trawled through hundreds of REALLY bad e-cards...then I thought, the best present I can ever really give my friend, anytime...is to let that person know I was thinking of them, whole heartedly, sincerely, compassionately and with so much love on today...their special day. 

We live half a country apart, don't talk as often as I would like (always my fault...I am terrible at keeping in touch) but I know, without a doubt, and with my hand on my heart, that this best friend is a real keeper.  I know he is definitely a kindred spirit and that we have crossed paths in former lives.  He always makes me feel amazing and so special.  With him I feel so relaxed, so at ease, so myself....a feeling I never have with any other person I know.  With him I feel I can be so totally myself...no pretentions....no false persona....no expectations....no demands.  He accepts me for who I am and I love him for it.  There really is no better, true friend, that one who make you feel like yourself....warts and all...and he is one. 

I wish...with all my heart...that I could be with him today on his birthday, but he is in my heart and thoughts every day and I hope he knows that. A day doesn't go by that I don't think about him or miss him in one way or another and I know you must be thinking...."you must have known him for a long time"...but no, I haven't...only a few years...not very long really in the scheme of things....but long enough for him to imprint himself in my life, my world, my inner beat.  He is one of a privileged few...only three others have managed to do the same...and I have known them longer....they are all women.....and only two are still living.

He doesn't know I have been writing a blog.  Since my first post...I have thought of him..and what he would think...but I haven't had the nerve to tell him...but now that time has come...and so this is my present to him.  I don't want life to pass me by without having the chance to tell people how important they are to me....Toddums, I love you. Happy Birthday! And Thank You for allowing me to be me.

Happy Birthday...Mr President.....

Friday 24 May 2013

If I lay here.....

Sometimes we are only as strong as our supporters.  And sometimes our friends, are only as strong as those that support them.  And so we are caught up in the support/be supported merry go round.  Sometimes we are the supportees...sometimes we are the supported.  But what are we best suited to?  I know, without a doubt, I am a better supporter than a supportee.  I can offer advice and support to many people, but when it comes to my own weaknesses, I don't like to ask for help.  I would rather struggle and battle to sort things myself, than ask a friend for help.  And I don't know if that is a pride thing...I guess it is.  But bottom line is I would rather help people than ask for help myself.  And on the flip side, there are people that would rather take help, than offer help themselves....the needy I guess.  It doesn't mean they are lesser people, just that we all have different needs, and ways of obtaining those needs. 

I guess it is very much like economics.... supply and demand.  If there is a demand for something...then there must be a supply for that demand. If there is a demand for support...then support is offered, through family, friends and services.  But if there is no demand.....no cry for help...then supply is not offered.  And that is where people like me fall between the cracks...unable to ask for help when needed and unable to accept help when offered due to our own stubborn selves - which is entirely our own fault.  And it is very hard to work out if one of your friends is in need, but too stubborn to ask for or accept help...they don't do themselves any favours that is for sure.  I know from experience.

The bottom line is you should never take any of  your friends or family on face value...and definitely not on the face they portray.  Some of those closest to you may be in dire need of help....but unable to ask for it.  Responses to sincere questions, really listening to conversation, and just watching behaviour can all be huge giveaways...if you really look.  Offer help in a way they can accept, or just be more forceful, sometimes that works....but more often doesn't.

But sometimes those people that are the strongest...seem the strongest
Just need to know that someone is there...in the background...willing to help if needed.

If I just lay here......would you lie with me....and just forget the world.....

Wednesday 15 May 2013

Hope.....

A whisper from over the ocean
A whisper across the sea.
A whisper of hope...and of longing
The promise of something to be.

Two hearts separated by ocean
Two hearts alike as can be.
Two hearts and each of them searching
For something to set them free.

And maybe...just maybe there's something
although...a little crazy
That maybe...just maybe there's someone
A soul that is waiting...for me.

Monday 13 May 2013

And you thought I had forgotten....

Well, this is my tenth blog...a milestone so to speak.  Who knows how long I will continue to entertain, humour...bore :) and in my first blog I mentioned occasionally subjecting you to my poetry...and I think the time has come.

I love music...and all kinds of music.  For me it is the emotional voyage that music takes you on.  It might be the words, it might be the riff, it might be a particular melody, but it is always about the emotional journey it takes me on.  And that is why I like and enjoy songs from all genres and styles.  From classical, to 50's, 60's and across all the years to modern, rap and even some country.  The key for me is the feeling that the song conjures up.  Sometimes this is because the song is attached to a particular memory, or occasion - like the Split Enz song "I Got You" always reminds me of Friday nights roller skating when I was a teenager.  The thumping beat, the lowered lights, the heady mix of teenage boys and girls.  The be all and end all of my life at the time.  The music of the 80's is my favourite as this was the most impressionable time of my life...as it is with many.

And so it is the same for my poetry.  I write on emotions and things that have happened to me, or impressions I have at the time, things I have seen, heard, experienced and felt.  So a lot of it is very personal.  There are also large tracks of time, years in fact, when I have written nothing at all...I guess I was far too busy, and never had enough quiet, contemplative time.

I would like to share one of my early attempts written around 1985-86.  I hope you enjoy....


My heart murmured the first time I saw you
As our eyes met
And smiled
And then my heart was still.

The second time I saw you my heart whispered
As our voices
Laughed in harmony
And enjoyment
And then my heart was still.

The third time
My heart spoke
And I listened.
And when we parted
My heart would not be still.
And as the days passed
I heard of love and contentment
And I knew that what I was hearing was true.

And each time we met
Our hearts conversed
Until we could...no longer
Listen to their shouting
So we came together
As one.

Thank you for reading :)

Saturday 11 May 2013

Liar...Liar...pants on fire...

Why do people lie??  I think people lie for three basic reasons....1. To make other people feel better about themselves. 2. To cover their tracks.  3. To make themselves seem more important than they are.

In the first instance....it is fairly simple...its the small white lie you tell to friends, families and workmates to make them feel better about themselves.  You give positive reinforcement, tell people what they want to hear, offer the advice that wants to be heard, tell it how people want to hear it, not so much how it is but how it wants to be heard.

The second instance...Someone does something stupid, so they make up a lie to cover their tracks.  They try to wipe out the truth and invent a whole new scenario to help cover up the lie and hope to hell that those that matter...don't find out.

And in the third scenario.....there are those people who make up lies so that they seem more important than they are. They expand the truth or make up new truths so they sound bigger and better than they are.  More like the deluxe model than the average.

I have been guilty of the first kind of lie....sometimes I have told friends or family what they want to hear...not sometimes what they should hear. I do try to be as honest as I can, and as circumstances permit.  Sometimes you need to be diplomatic or sensitive to certain circumstances. This type of lie is probably the most acceptable of the three and lets face facts...everyone has lied about something or someone in their lives...I am 100% certain of that. But...I have never lied about things that happened, the way they happened, or why they happened. 

As for Liar 2, if you are stupid enough to get yourself in a situation that you need to lie to people to cover your ass....then don't.  Man up, be honest, make amends and try to keep your dignity intact.  But please be honest.  It is what the people you have wronged deserve and will make you a better person at the other end.  Hindsight is 20/20 and might stop you from making the same mistake again.

As for Liar 3...I have come to abhor them....I tend to think....why lie?  If it is not what happened...or the way it happened...or why it happened...then why lie??  Why exaggerate the truth??   Do you really think so little of yourself that you need to "talk things up" to make it more exciting/interesting/entertaining??  I have caught out people who have lied and not confronted them.  They have lied...I know they have lied...they have become a lessor person in my eyes and I do not trust them.  I am wary of them now.  And some of the lies have been stupid little things.  Things that really do not matter.  But the fact that they have lied...it says a lot for the person they are, for their character, for their values. 

Honesty is one of the most important things you can give to another person, a true gift.  But until you know someone is telling you the truth, always be on the look out for a smokin' ass!