Tuesday, 20 August 2013

Still got the blues for you.....

Ahhh....the bittersweet memory of young love lost.  Don’t we all have memories of that certain someone...that certain person who did something special to our hearts when we were younger...but due to circumstances....it just didn’t work.  I think often of my missed opportunity...think a lot of what might have been...how my life might have been different...those damned sliding doors. 

We were 17....we kind of always had a thing for each other...but nothing ever manifested. We were both so shy.  We had our moments...our feet used to meet and cross together under the table in the library...the night we laid talking til early in the morning at camp before being told to go back to my room by a teacher...the times we spent fixing up your car which I never actually saw out of the garage...that sweet, sweet kiss...the only kiss....we shared the last time we saw each other before you had to catch your bus home - I wish I had known then that it was the last time I was to see you.

We wrote after you moved away....then I met someone....we still wrote but then you told me how you thought he wasn’t right for me...It was wrong, you thought I deserved better.  You were the only one that tried to warn me.....the only one....I wish I had listened.  I wish I had run away and joined you...but you never asked me to.  That was the last time I heard from you....
Every now and again I would dream of you...ships that passed in the night.  After my marriage broke up....which you knew it would....I tried to find you.  Funny to find all the people with the same name but with different lives...almost like a super hero with so many aliases.  A landscaper in WA...someone on the board of water in QLD (there were a lot of them)....then it happened.  I found your name, a photo, a place....it was definitely you.  I knew it was....even 20 years later.  What now?? Were you in a relationship? Were you happy?  Would I be an unwelcome blast from the past?  Did you ever think about me??  Seems yes you were, yes you are, I never really found out.....the last question I will probably never know.

I wish I could go back all those years, and that I had listened to you.  I often wonder how different my life would be now if I had.  But the reality is that I didn’t...as much as I wish I could go back...I can’t.   I’d like to thank you for caring so much at the time and for being so honest.  I only wish I had been as honest with myself. The signs were there, I was just too blinded at the time to see them.   Who knows how different my life might be now.  But it still doesn’t stop me thinking every now and again....what if????

It was so long ago...but I still got the blues for you....