Tuesday 30 April 2013

I'm F..I..N..E......

What does it take for people to change? And I mean really change?  How much of our lives are caught up in habit, practice, custom...daily grind?  And how hard would it be for us to shrug off those comfortable covers?  That shroud of predictability?  How much of our lives is controlled by our habits and vices?  Do you have the same morning routine...the predictable way to work...the desk that is, even in a constant mess - still the same, every Friday at the same pub, grocery shopping at the same shops, and then of course the vices...cigarettes, alcohol, drugs?  It takes an enormous effort for someone to change a life habit, especially a bad habit. Ironically, it takes a lot longer to break a habit than it takes to form a habit...and a lot more effort. 

Not to mention the predictable outcomes when meeting people you seldom see... "Nice to see you"... "We really should catch up"...."How are you?" ..."I'm good" ..."I'm fine"...when really we aren't good...we aren't "fine" but it is the facade we put up for other people, the front we show to those that we don't feel like burdening our worries on.  And why is that?  How different would our lives be, if everyone was upfront and honest about how they really felt in that given moment and with what was happening in their lives?  And the truth is...that we really don't WANT to be burdened with other peoples worries. We have enough of our own to deal with so why should we have to subject ourselves to the added burden of our friends and families troubles?  Unless it is life threatening or life changing...honestly....who really wants to know? 

Human nature is an amazingly, entertaining study.  If it ISN'T all about "me" then why should I be interested.  But on the flip side...if it IS all about "me"  then why should any one else be interested? It's a real catch 22.  There is definitely no secret that there are some people that are more interested...and if you have any of these people in your friend circles, they are definitely keepers.  They are the carers, the nurturers, the keepers of your sanity...and usually the most abused of your friends, for exactly the same reasons. They are the voice of reason and common sense.  The voice of truth...and usually the opposite advice that you end up taking.  Try to value these people, they are humanity in it's purest form and life's most valuable asset - life's living angels.

So, if everyone was upfront and honest with each other, would that mean that we would start to avoid seeing people? That we would start to withdraw from any social life we had purely so we wouldn't have to be confronted with other people's problems?  It seems an extreme to go to, just to avoid a minor confrontation.  And it is a scenario that would never happen.   People will always put on the "brave front" and gloss over the gory details of their lives because for just a little while, a few moments - minutes - hours, they truly will be "F..I..N..E" - Fu**ed up.....Insecure....Neurotic.... and Emotional.

How much do you really want to change?


Sunday 28 April 2013

Tunnel of love....

Why is it that when anyone finds out that you are middle aged and single...that you need condolences and perhaps the company of a friend of theirs that is also middle aged and single?  The idea that I might actually be happy being single is not up for discussion.  The fact that I do not have a partner is foremost in their minds....perhaps because I make an awkward number for dinner parties or gatherings or maybe the women I know ultimately think that I am out to steal their men and therefore make them one of the ostracised "singles" (just as a side note...to ALL the women I know - I am NOT trying to steal your men - I do have morals - and in some cases, taste) or maybe they are just trying to be helpful and supportive when they suggest that their cousin - neighbour - workmate - friend's brother - neighbourhood psycho is "what a coincidence" also single and "just your type".

So, what is it that makes people who are "coupled" feel that they need to fix up their single friends?  Perhaps the "coupled" envy the "singles" as to their freedom and lack of rules.  Truthfully, once someone becomes part of a couple, the goalposts do change.  The "coupled" starts to spend less and less time with the "singles" as they fall more and more into their shared lives.  And why not?  When you find someone who completes you and who shares your ideals for the future and the direction your lives are going....it certainly is special....grab hold and don't let go.  But does that in any way detract from the "singles" life and the direction that their lives are going? 

Single people are just as valuable as those that are in a relationship...single people have as much voice as those in a relationship...single people have as much to offer to the world as those in a relationship...single people are just as important as those in a relationship...single people feel emotions and suffer loss just as important as those in a relationship - except from the eyes of those IN a relationship.  From those people...we lack something...we are missing something...we are not a complete package...and that is not fair.

We do not need your sympathy, we do not need your pity, we certainly do not need your suggestions of who you think is "perfect for us".  What we do need is your friendship and your support of our single lifestyle.  If we say we are happy, content and fulfilled then believe us and allow us our secret envy of your coupledom happiness, because, ultimately that is what most of us truthfully want.

As we float down this tunnel of love, we are all eventually engulfed by either being single or part of a couple and the truth is that we are all as important as each other and that when we emerge into the dusky twilight in our faded fibreglass swans, that the person we ultimately love, is ourselves...whether we are single, or not.

Wednesday 17 April 2013

We are all wiener's....

Fate.   I am a big believer in fate.  That things happen...and happen for a reason, whether good or bad. 

We have all been confronted with those life defining moments that can change your life, for better or for worse.  And for most people, more than once in a lifetime.  The choices we make ultimately turn our lives from one track to another, sometimes subtly, sometimes earth shatteringly.  Whether it's a change in career, relationship, parenthood or a physical change, the impact can either lift us up...or bring us down...sometimes softly....sometimes far too hard.  But we all are ultimately in charge of our lives, and how they impact on the world.  We can do something and make changes, or we can do nothing (which weirdly is still something) and things stay the same. 

But, as a believer in fate...I have to ask "Why do bad things happen to good people, and why do good things happen to bad people?" It's a tough question. Why should good people, innocent people, who have done nothing wrong...have to suffer?  And the only answer I have is that from that suffering, there is always some positive that comes from it.  Whether it is public awareness, a legacy, trust fund, change to legislation or rules, increased funding or recognition of local needs, or purely that families and communities come together...they are all positives.  It is extremely sad and confronting that some people, especially children, seemingly have to suffer, so that it makes some good somewhere.  But....isn't that better than having nothing been achieved?  That a good life is seemingly...wasted...for nothing?

And what about good things happening to bad people???  Well, I am a very patient person, and I truly believe that if you are a "bad" person...that karma will get you in the end.  And I can guarantee that the "good fortune" that happens to bad people is far outweighed by the honesty, truth and purity that is the basis of everything good that comes from tragedy.  Even on the smallest scale....if you have done wrong by someone....and have not felt some guilt or tried to make amends...then expect something special....just for you. And when it happens, think back to how much easier it would have been, if you had owned up and tried to make good the bad you did.

It is very easy to become engrossed in our own little world...in our own little "good and bad" and why not?  The prospect of a new job, new house, new relationship is going to have a huge impact on our lives....but....upfront and truthfully.....it is barely a ripple on our community, our suburb, our city, our country.....the world.  Take a step back and look at the big picture.  It may mean the world to us...but it doesn't give us the right to treat people in a way that is demeaning or degrading.  Think of the impact you have on other people, and the way you react to them.   A ripple very easily becomes a wave.

The biggest ocean, starts with the smallest drop...and we are...the smallest drop. Each and every one of us.

If we live our lives to the fullest...become all we are destined to be....follow our dreams...our passions...our callings.... and be the "good" instead of the "bad"...then we are all wiener's...sorry winners! :)

Monday 15 April 2013

It's a wide, wide world....

The world is an amazing, amazing place. And it works on so many different levels.  There is the natural, evolutionary role where nature has it's own ebb and flow, and the natural world goes along on it's own time frame and agenda.  Without human exposure, the natural world would continue to expand and control itself depending on resources and environment.  The strong survive and the weak do not. Mother nature is cruel.  Mother nature does not need humans to exist.

In the economic world...the strong survive and continue to prosper....and the weak, do not...but for very different reasons.  To survive in the economic world you very much have to be the stronger.  And the main ingredient in bringing people down in the economic world is...their own mind.  The lack of confidence in themselves or their product is undoubtedly their own undoing.  Those that have the most confidence in themselves and their products, are those that continue to grow and expand. You only have to look at brand names and bottom lines to realise that.  Human nature is cruel.  Human nature needs humans to exist.

And then there is the spiritual...there are no arguments on how rich religion has become.  For all the vows of poverty the "church's" seems to continue to grow and prosper.  But there is much more to spirituality than religion and church.  I,  myself, feel very spiritual, but in no way attach myself to any church or act of religion.  I feel very close to nature and the ebb and flow of the seasons and life itself.  This in itself, makes me feel spiritual...at one with the earth, but not "Catholic" or "Protestant" or "Orthodox" or "Muslim" or "Buddhist" or "Hindu" or "Occultist" or any other "religion".  Shouldn't "religion" be a state of mind rather than "what I follow"??   "Religion" has a lot to answer to in the past.  I believe very strongly in treating people how I would like to be treated.  And that....Karma is a bitch!  What comes around...goes around!

But what about people who aren't animals, who aren't business people, who aren't spiritual....who are just trying to survive, trying to make ends meet, getting food on the table, getting children clothed, getting through to the next pay...next centre link payment...next dole payment?  Well, aren't they just trying to survive in their own little "world"? It may not be the natural world, the economic world, the spiritual world, but it is the world...to them. 

When does humanity reach rock bottom? 

I hope I never have to find out...naturally, economically or spiritually.