Wednesday 27 November 2013


There is nothing as simple, nor more precious....

I am a single parent.  I have five wonderful children whose ages range from 14-19 and whom I have shared custody of for a week at a time.  This arrangement has been working for the past eight years and as much as it tears me up not to have them for that week, I cherish every moment I do get to spend with them.  The week that I do have them, I don’t attend any social functions unless they are really important or they are also invited and I think I have been out by myself on only two occasions in those eight years - once to a work function I organised that wasn’t far away and finished early evening and once on a late night out with a friend that was going overseas. My close friends know how I feel and understand if we want to arrange a get together, we work around my off dates so I can go – no biggie.  But I am becoming increasingly irritated by people who don’t seem to understand or accept my decision.

I have had to turn down invitations to many occasions over the years and most people are understanding but now that my children are teenagers, they seem to think that things have changed and that I have now become available. For me, nothing has changed.  Yes, my kids are more than able to look after themselves.  Yes, I can go out by myself if I wanted to.  Yes, my kids encourage me to attend invitations I receive on “their” week.  But do I want to? No!  I have spent half of the time in the past eight years with my kids.  I have literally missed 4 years of their lives.  I hate to think of the things I have missed...the hugs, the kisses, the smiles and the tears...looking after them when they were sick, being there when they needed or wanted me, the fights and the laughter. So much I have already missed.   And I have also had 4 years to myself, to do what I want, when I want and how I want.  Being a mother for a week, and then being single for a week certainly was strange at times.

I was hassled by a work colleague the other day about why I was not attending the work Christmas dinner.  I had helped organise the dinner but the date chosen fell on my kid’s week so I will not be attending.  This also happened last year.  My colleague bailed me up for ten minutes trying to convince me to attend.  “They are old enough to be by themselves”, “Can’t the older one’s drive if they need to get somewhere?”, “Surely you can come!”, “It’s only one night!” My attending is not going to make any difference to anyone on the night so I don’t see why it is so important that I go and I don’t see why I have to justify myself to them, or anyone else, about my choice.  My kids are everything to me, and they always come first.  They are my first priority and they always will be.

Yes, I deserve to have a life and to follow my own pursuits...but I already can, on the week I don’t get to spend with them.  Why is that so hard for some people to understand?  Why do some people try to argue the fact that I “should” go somewhere?   Why do some people believe that I am going to enjoy myself when all I am thinking about is what is happening at home?  It is my decision to make....and my decision will always be to spend time with and to be available for....my children.  It doesn’t get any simpler....for me.

There is nothing as simple, nor more precious, than your child’s hug.

Friday 22 November 2013


Ask not what your country can do for you....

It has been 50 years today since JFK was assassinated.  It was four years before I was born.  Yet somehow his spirit resonates with me. 

JFK seemed such a charismatic person.  He was a young, dynamic and much liked President.  Everyone who was of an age to remember, remembered what they were doing when they heard that Kennedy had been assassinated.  It sent a shock wave throughout the world.  People in foreign countries and of all different cultures wept at the news.  JFK was almost like a symbol of a new, progressive USA.  Of a time and place that times were changing, that things were being done, that a new country was emerging.  I sometimes wonder what would be different now, if JFK had been allowed to live.  How much change he would have bought about.  If life would be any different now. 

He left behind a strong, confident widow....Jackie Kennedy...and his young family Caroline and John– who could forget those poignant pictures of a young John-John saluting his father’s coffin – and just the memory of two other children, Arabella who was still-born and Patrick who passed from respiratory distress at only 2 days old.  JFK seemed to be very much a person’s president, having seemed to have suffered heartache and had to endure the hardships of life like many of those that supported him...perhaps that is why he seemed so popular.

JFK seems to embody much of what the USA means to me...it’s loud, patriotic, confident, positive and fun.  They haven’t had another President that comes even close since.  And I only wish that we had such a candidate to choose from when election time comes around in Australia.  They would win hands down in my opinion. 

JFK was from a time long passed, but his legacy lives on in the hope for a time and a place where everyone can be truly free.....in body and in mind.  I may not have been alive when he died, but I sure hope I am alive to see his dream come true.

Ask not what your country can do for you, but what you can do for your country.......

 

 

Monday 11 November 2013


She works hard for the money....

I used to love my work.  I loved the work I was doing...I loved where I worked...I loved the people I worked with...I loved the company I worked for.  Now, I dread each morning I have to go to work...and can’t wait for each working day to be over.  The people I work with are still the same...and I still love them, but everything else has changed.  The company I worked for merged with a bigger sister company.  And since then everything has changed.  The work I have to do is similar and the actual work place hasn’t changed at all....but everything else has.  It wasn’t so much of a merge...as a takeover.

What used to be a very functional, profitable, smooth running machine...has been absorbed...almost amoeba like...by its larger sister.  What used to work is now infused with problems.  The smooth running management is now over ridden by micro management and no one knows who is in charge.   The things that we used to pride ourselves on have been trampled on and squashed in the unfathomable need to appear “unified”.  The new business and operation systems have made it twice the work at the basic levels...but twice as easy at the highest management level...go figure!  And the praise and appreciation for the work you do....is almost non existent...especially for the work that is expected.  What used to be a company I was proud to work for...has become a loathsome job that I need to go to so I can pay the bills.  What happened???

What happened was the refusal of management to understand the impact of the merger on the smaller company...and the way it was handled.  What happened was the way procedures and processes were changed without consulting the people that knew the impact those changes would make.  What happened was that a company that people loved to work for became something completely different with no rhyme or reason.  What happened was the company I used to work for became extinct, and I either did what was asked of me...or I looked for another job.

The latter is now what I am doing.  We spend so much time at work.  So much of our daily lives are taken up with working for someone else.  Even working for yourself, you can sometimes be caught up in the “business before everything” thought process...I know...I have been in that situation too.  But that hasn’t put me off wanting to start something for myself again.  In the past, many things were out of my control, but I still gave as much as I could to my children, before I gave to the business...my marriage wasn’t so lucky.

I would dearly love to start up a business of my own again.  Something I could control...something I had a say in...something that would allow me the precious time I have left with my family before they fly the nest...something I could be proud of.  Oh, I have many ideas....many flights of fancy, and a couple that could actually work.  The thing I am missing is a small nest egg to sustain me while I pursue financial stability. So many times I feel like throwing in the towel... just jumping into the unknown....with the trust that a bridge of safety would appear.  That the confidence I have in myself, will allow the universe to supply the way.  But when you have a family reliant on you...it makes you falter...it makes you think twice.

I wish I could spend as much time with my family...as I do at work.  They are the most important factor in my life...why shouldn’t I be able to spend my time with them?  One day maybe...hopefully...before it is too late....