Tuesday 15 October 2013


Soul Fire

The bright flame of my soul
Which used to burn so bright and free
Was crushed by lies and selfishness.
How can a flame burn brightly
When it is starved of encouragement...and nourishment?
My flame....my very soul
Was crying out...
But my cries of despair and hurt
Echoed in the loneliness.
Lost in the void...
And so my flame was hidden away...protected
Too fragile to withstand any more.
Until the clouds lifted
And I could see more clearly.
I released myself
And the flame once again burns
Bright
And free.

Sunday 13 October 2013


A long time ago came a man on a track
Walking thirty miles with a sack on his back...


Nature has always held a deep fascination for me.  I have always enjoyed learning about and interacting with nature.  From turning my face up to the sun to feel it’s warm rays...to enjoying watching animals do what they do...to feeling and connecting with the ebb and flow of the natural rhythm of the world around me.  The natural world is truly an amazing life force.  The cycles of life that flow on around our busy human lives and yet are still intricately woven amongst them is amazing...but it really is a fine thread that sews us all together. 

To the busy, city human...the changes that occur naturally are pretty basic.  There is of course night and day, the four seasons and a full moon every now and again as their lives revolve around work and if it is warm enough to socialise out of doors or not.  Yes, they may enjoy spring with all its renewed glory (if they don’t suffer hayfever) and enjoy summer living (as long as it isn’t too hot) but how much do they really think about the cycle of life in the big wide world outside of their concrete jungle?

Life without human interaction has a unique ability to control itself.  Animals have an amazing inbuilt knowledge that coincides with the natural seasons of the year.  They automatically know the right time to breed, to stock up on food, when to move and when to stay.  When to hibernate and when to wake up.  They also know which foods they need to eat and which ones they need to avoid.  They know how to seek out water and the warning signs of the food and water they need to stay away from.  And for anyone who has witnessed the amazing sight of an animal giving birth for the first time, the fact that they instinctively know what to do and how to do it...is truly a sight to behold.  Whether humans ever knew that ability or not, it is very hard to say.  Over the past couple of thousand years we humans have given into listening to others - “the experts” - instead of listening to ourselves and our surroundings and we have lost most of that natural instinct that we would have had thousands of years ago...but that animals still have intact.

The biggest difference between the natural world and humans I believe is emotional.  Emotions drive us in our lives and have both positive and negative effects.  In the animal kingdom it is basically that the strongest survive...but only because they are stronger...and devoid of any emotional attachment.  They do not have more money, bigger egos, better investment folios, better insight, better accountants or that they were born in a better family.  In the animal kingdom everything is equal.  There is no laziness, no jealousy, no obesity, no regret, no anger or hate...none of the negative emotions that we as humans have to deal with.  Nature has it pretty much sorted out.  If there are a couple of good years and some species over breed, you can be sure that there will be a bad year, and that the weak will not survive and that numbers drop once again to a sustainable level.  In the history of the world, humans have been the only species to cause another species to become extinct...not any other animal...just humans. Any why?  What for??  Humans are the only animals that do not coexist with nature...they exploit it.  But for how much longer? 

There are warning signs...the frogs and the bees are a big worry...plus the human population and feeding that population.  Yes, the world is a big place, but unless enough people start to worry about the little things...like frogs and bees...and unless people start to think outside of their concrete jungles...then that is ultimately all that is going to be left...a human, concrete, artificially natural future.  Certainly not a future I want to leave for my children. 

“You must be the change you want to see in the world” Mahatma Ghandi.  Think about what you can do...and do it.
The telegraph road....what price for progess should nature have to pay???

Tuesday 1 October 2013

I feel the thunder in my heart
That I just can't control
I feel the thunder in my heart
Should I walk away...or follow my soul

I have been feeling strangely a little melancholic this week.  Not that melancholy is strange...but the fact that the change in my mood has been so quick, so dramatic and so different.  Well, maybe not that dramatic, not like anyone else might notice but I have felt it keenly.  It’s kind of hard to explain.  I am still very much on a high from my holiday and find it easy to slip back into that holiday glow whenever I want.  To remember and relive the highlights and feelings that were so strong and so instrumental in my acceptance of who I am.  I came away from my trip with a fantastic and new approach to my life....but there is a flip side.  The flip side being that I really seem to feel the parts that are missing in my life so much stronger than before.  Not that I am unhappy in my current life, of course there are always things that can improve, but the basic foundations of my life...I am happy with.  But there is no mistaking my longing for what is missing in my life...and the fact that this longing has become so much stronger since I returned.

To say that I have been decidedly fidgety since my return is an understatement.  I have not been in a relationship for several years...mostly through my own choice...but to say I wasn’t open to a relationship would be wrong.  Unfortunately due to circumstances already covered this is not an easy arena for me, but I would certainly welcome someone special in my life.  I guess I always hoped that someone would come across my path...and there would be an instant connection.  I guess I am a hopeless romantic J  Then there is my past...almost a constant longing...unfinished business you could say.  And this has been in my mind so much in the past weeks.  Is it just a case of wishful thinking...of wanting something I cannot have...or just another “comfort zone”? 

Something very important I have realised about myself...is that some of my comfort zones, are the most unhappy parts of my life.  The things I want to change the most are the hardest because even though I KNOW they make me unhappy, they also make me feel the most comfortable.    On some unconscious level I know that if I find the courage and strength to change these things, then the future is unsure...I don’t know what to expect because it is different from what I know...and that is scary, so I revert back to my comfort zone........no matter how unhappy I am with it.  On the other hand I know that if I find the courage and strength to change these things, then my future could be SO much more.  I feel these bonds are the ones that, if I break them, there is no holding me back, and things will fall into place. So, how do I break this destructive catch 22???  Oh, I know the answer to that....self confidence and strong will.  Easy...right??

Something about me...I am very good at giving advice, but not very good at taking my own advice.  Sometimes it makes me feel a little like a fraud.  Not that I think my advice is wrong...it is good advice...but that sometimes I feel like a hypocrite...do as I say...not as I do (another comfort zone).  So, now I feel very much on the brink of a personal precipice.  Do I stay on solid ground to accept and learn to live with my comfort zones or do I take the leap and trust that courage and strength will keep me above the despondency and self destructiveness of the crash and burn?

I’m ready...I’m willing to take the chance...and to make a change.  Life is there to be lived and to be lived to the fullest...to the best of our potential.  Not to just sit back in our comfort zones and let the best of life pass us by before we realise it is too late.

It’s time to jump.....