Tuesday, 21 January 2014

You can pick your friends…..

I have been struggling with a notion for months now as it continues to cycle through my head and I try to grapple with my thought process and unravel the threads to make some kind of sense from the muddle…..and what has been causing me so much confusion?? Friendship!  Friends are fantastic….no doubt about it.  And you have different friends for different reasons.  There are friends to confide in, friends to have fun with, friends to shop with or you could have a friend that encompasses all of these….friends for a reason, friends for a season, friends for a lifetime…..simple.…or is it?

The thing I am struggling with is when a friend does something or says something that disappoints you.  Your friend may be perfectly fine with what they have done or said..…they may well be within their own moral boundaries….but their actions may have left you feeling disappointed, disillusioned and sometimes completely gobsmacked.  The issue though is that the disappointment is your reaction, the way the situation has affected you and not something that should be blamed on someone else….they have acted how they wish and it is your issue if you do not agree.  But how does this affect the friendship??

I am guessing that people’s reactions would be wide and varied and it would depend on the individuals and the situation.  Of course, most people have a line and once it is crossed, there is no forgiving and there is no longer a friendship.  That line would be different for everyone and would have to be fairly major in my books…..like murder or drug running or sleeping with your partner.  But it’s the other little things that sometimes wear you down…..maybe the way they act when they get tipsy, or that it is always you that pays for coffee or you that always has to ring them.   The niggling thought that has been bothering me is that friendships are broken over our reactions….our feelings…our boundaries.  Shouldn’t everyone be free to make their own decisions….to have their own opinions…..make their own mistakes?? And if they have made the decision, the opinion, the mistake, then shouldn’t we accept that because it is a part of that person….that friend??  How hard…or easy…. is it to overlook the annoying little things??

I am sure this has been the cause of many friendship breakdowns and I can understand why…because sometimes it is very hard to leave your own expectations on the sidelines when it comes to how you think things should be done.  Therefore, do we pick friends that we think will have the same moral ethics that we do or because they make us laugh or because they are good in a crisis?  What attracts us to our friends??  And do we forgive one friend for something that another would not get away with??  And on the flip side……what kind of friend are we to others???

You can pick your friends,
You can pick your nose,
But you can’t pick your friend’s nose!



  1. As always insightful - to many of us our close friends become our family, a family of our choosing and we would then as you say forgive them most things. I think at the end of the day it's important to treasure, respect & love unconditionally those we truly care for x

  2. nice to know people in australia have messey heads as well. lol

    1. Haha Michael....did you think the Irish were the only ones? :)