You can count on me like one, two, three......

Friendship can be a wonderful, fulfilling, nurturing and mutually enjoyable experience for many people.  It can also be painful, frustrating, maddening and bewildering also.  It all depends on what kind of person you are, and of course the kind of people you are friends with.  We all have those wonderful friends that you know even if you don’t see each other very often that when you do get together it is as if no time had passed.  You talk for hours, you laugh, you cry, you catch up and at the end you part after having had a wonderful time and looking forward to the next catch up.  There are no assumptions, no demands...no consequences. 

Some friends are hard work.  They require a certain amount of effort from you to keep the friendship going and sometimes after spending time with them you feel drained and exhausted.  They always manage to steer the conversation around to themselves, you have to meet on their terms, where they want and when and they walk over your emotions because it is “all about them”.  Sometimes they even make you feel guilty because you haven’t done or said what they wanted...like you have disappointed them.  But do they have any right to make you feel that way?  Friendship is a relationship that needs give and take from both people.  If the balance is not there, then no wonder you feel like this friendship is hard work.  If a friend comes to console and support you but then turns the situation around so that you are forced to be the support – how can that be mutually fulfilling? If it is always you that has to make the phone call, always you that has to organise the get-togethers, always you that has to make the effort – that’s not a friendship – it’s a Social Secretaries job.

And what happens when you are friends with someone, but another of their friends really rubs you the wrong way?  This can be a really tricky situation.  You don’t like the way they act, you don’t like the things they say and you certainly don’t like they way they treat your mutual friend.   But do you have the right to say or do anything?  They are not your friend...they are your friend’s friend.   You are friends by association so really the only option is to avoid them – without making your friend feel uncomfortable when you are both at the same function or forcing your friend to pick sides.  Why make it harder on your friend when it is not their fault?

I personally do not have a lot of friends.  I have a few close friends whom I know I can trust and if I ever need help, they wouldn’t hesitate and vice-versa. They are wonderful, strong, loyal people and I dearly love all of them.  And of course I know other people who I might catch up with for dinner or get together every now and again, but if they moved to another state tomorrow, I wouldn’t be devastated like I would if it were one of my close friends. To me these friends are the real essence of friendship and I treasure the time we spend together.  They make my life’s moments more wonderful and more bearable.  They are the Coco to my Chanel...the train to my carriage...the bacon to my eggs.  So...what kind of friend are you?

 

 

These battle scars......

Doesn’t life have a way of throwing a curve ball when you least expect it?  Everything is going along swimmingly and then...Wham!!  Something totally out of the blue happens that knocks you for a six and then in many cases seems to continue on a roll with other catastrophes happening straight after...as if you haven’t enough to deal with – along comes more.  Not always do the curve balls happen to you directly but often to someone you know, someone you care about, someone you are close to and even though it doesn’t affect you directly, it still has an impact on you...sometimes an enormous impact.

In the past six months there have been two people whom I work with that have lost newborn babies...much wanted and loved little souls...through no fault of their own.  Every test was normal, every stage was textbook, there was no hint of the absolute devastation that was about to hit their families with a grief that they would carry for the rest of their lives...the loss of a child.  My heart went out to them, nothing you could say or do seemed enough...enough to make up for their loss.

Also recently, I learnt that a new friend has been diagnosed with lung cancer...too late, according to doctors.  I have never met Raul but have come to admire and respect him in the past few months.  A lovely, sincere person who doesn’t deserve the hand he has been dealt.  So how, in this day and age, with medical knowledge as it is, can situations like these just seem to slip past unnoticed??  Are medical services stretched too far?  Are waiting lists and hospital bed turnovers putting too much pressure on the system so that warning signs get missed?  Are doctors too busy/too tired/too blasé?  None of these are very comforting for the people who they affect the most...the patients and families. 

So how DO you cope when told that it is only a matter of hours before your newborn baby slips away....or that you have a terminal illness and you only have months to live?  For the parents who grieve not only the loss of a child, but the loss of that life not lived...the possibilities that could have been...a life to grow and share.  For a person with a terminal illness, a part of life has been lived, a life has grown and shared and in retrospect, there is some precious time left - time to sort affairs, time to fulfil final wishes, time to say goodbyes.  Time still left to love and share. A small blessing under the circumstances.  Both situations take enormous strength and courage - the strength to pick yourself up and dust yourself off and the courage to face life and continue on.

So sometimes these curve balls come from nowhere, and affect you when you least expect it.  They leave scars on your psyche and your soul. The scars never go away.  Sometimes you may think about them and pick at them til they are raw and bleed and the pain returns.  Then they scab over.... and life goes on....the same, but yet different.  If only life came complete with a catcher’s mitt.

Cause we all have wings....just some of us don’t know why........

 

Self confidence is a funny thing.  Some people have it in spades...and it becomes bossy and arrogant.  Some people have it at an acceptable level and it becomes dependable, just worthy and enviable.  Some people don’t have it at all and it becomes sad, pitiful and a voice crying out for help.

So, where do we get our self confidence, our ego, from?  I personally believe it is 20% your own personal make up – the way you are, and 80% the way you are bought up – your environment and influences.  If you are led to believe that you can achieve what you want, become what you want and that you are able to fulfil your goals, then you can, and will, do just that.  It doesn’t matter if your dreams and goals change because you will always have that underlying belief that you will succeed.  You have confidence in yourself that you can do it, because you believe in yourself – because you were taught to believe in yourself.

If a person has a negative upbringing and is constantly told that they are no good, that they will never amount to anything, that they will never be anything – then how can they believe anything else?  The greatest gift you can give to any child is to believe in them self – to give them self worth, self pride, a reason to succeed – an ego.  The greatest tree can grow from the smallest seed, but that small seed is subject to many influences as it tries to sprout and grow.  Then still there are problems – there are always anomalies - the small seed can be given the best care and support, and yet still grow to be weak and diseased.  Yet the discarded seed can still grow to be strong and healthy and that is what makes self confidence so interesting -and where that 20% of our own personal make up kicks in.  Self confidence can be taught and learnt in later years, but nothing can compare with the self confidence learnt whilst growing through those early years in a nurturing, caring and supportive environment – an environment that many people take for granted and quite often abuse.

Young people are very susceptible to what we say to them, and how we treat them.  An offhand comment by an adult can drop the bottom out of their world and yet the smallest, slightest, positive, random comment can give them wings.  The best thing we can do is to give them as many opportunities as possible to test their wings....and then it is up to them to see if they can fly.

 

 

 

Baby.....Baby.....Baby......Ohhhh.....

So there is a new royal prince in England....rejoice....rejoice....but then I rejoice whenever there is a healthy baby born, in a safe environment, into a loving family, no matter where.  But I  really am happy for William and Kate, and I wish them all the best in their new parenting role.  But my heart goes out to that small, helpless, needy soul, and I wish him strength and compassion as he grows. 

It is every little girls fantasy to be swept away by a handsome prince and to become a princess with all the pretty dresses and jewels.....but in reality....being a part of any Royal Family...is something I would never wish on anyone.  These days there is no privacy for the English royal family.   As with popular celebrities world wide...they have selling power and they are used and abused to cash in on that selling power.  It's a classic catch 22....the public lap it up...the paparazzi go out of their way to capture it.....circulation increases....the public lap it up...... the paparazzi - well, we all know what happened to Diana.  The saddest part is that Diana isn't here now and able to hold her brand new grandson.  She had such an impact on her two sons.  An impact cut far too short but an impact that has carried on into their adult lives...thankfully.  I personally believe that the youngest royals have the best connection to the modern world, and I think it is mainly due to the impact that Diana had on their early years that this has happened.

And as for the new prince....I hope his parents are strong, passionate, thoughtful, humane and forgiving and I wish him all the best.  He will not have the same chances we have, as mere mortals, to grow and test our characters through hardship and hard work.  His hardships will be very, very different to the ones us everyday people face.  And that is why I would never want to swap places with him - or anyone else in the royal family.  The hardships and challenges I have had to face, have made me into the person I am today....and I would much rather be the person I am, than be a person of royalty and to be forced and molded into the person the public wants/needs to see. 

I have the freedom to be whom I am...they do not.  I have privacy...they do not.  I have anonymity to make mistakes....they do not.  I can make my own decisions...they cannot.  So, really, honestly,  who is the lucky one???

If only.....

If only there was no sickness;
 - and people couldn't get seriously ill.
If only there was no famine;
 - and children could eat their fill.

If only there were no disasters;
 - and lives weren't tragically lost.
If only there was no poverty;
 - and we didn't have to worry about costs.

If only there was complete acceptance;
 - and colour, sex and religion didn't matter at all.
If only there were no wars;
 - and no soldiers were permitted to fall.

If only there was no crime;
 - and you could feel safe on the street.
If only there was no sadness;
 - and everyone was always upbeat.

If only there was love, joy and happiness;
 - and there was nothing to make us scared.
If only life could be easy;
 - and pigs could fly overhead.

Show me the way to go home...

A few years ago I spent some time working in a nursing home.  I was a Lifestyle Co-ordinator and it was my job to try and keep the residents "lifestyles" active.  I would book entertainment etc to come to the home to entertain, organise outings, co-ordinate special days and events as well as organise craft activities, read mail, organise movies....and many other seemingly mundane things which many other people take for granted.....hair cuts....manicures....reading the local paper.  The job was fulfilling...as well as confronting.  I really enjoyed being able to bring some sense of normality and routine to these wonderful people, who were all in care for many different reasons.  Our youngest member was only 40...my age at the time...struck down with a neurological disorder that made her bed ridden, nearly mute, but a beautiful person all the same.  Our eldest was in her nineties...and very much the same...bedridden, mute, still beautiful.

My favourite thing to do with these wonderful residents was reminiscent games.  We had several we would use from time to time and to listen to their memories as they grew up and the things they had experienced in their lives was a true gift.  Listening to these 60-80 year olds describe what it was like to have their first job, first car, growing up as a teenager, getting married, living through wars, having children, their beliefs and ideals...and the joys and sorrows their lives had brought....it was like going back through time and seeing life through their eyes...so very different to life these days. 

For many years before this I had thought how nice it would be to make time to spend with my grandmother and nana to listen and record their memories of the highs and lows as they travelled through life.  To record their many stories, and my family history.  Sadly, this was not to be.  We always lived some distance apart which made it somewhat difficult to visit regularly, and now, they are both gone.  But often I think about this lost chance, and the residents I worked with, and how much I would have liked to record some of their stories....before it is too late.  Most young people these days would have no idea what it was like to grow up 50-60-70 years ago. But I think it is important for them to know...to understand...the struggles that were made, the battles that were fought, so they can hopefully realise and appreciate the choices that earlier generations had to make and how those choices formed the life they now enjoy.  Older generations have so much to offer, so much wisdom, so much insight. 

It is never too late....before all the stories are lost....to make time to spend with someone from an older generation.  After all, haven't they earned it?  Haven't they earned the right for their stories to be preserved, for the daily struggles they faced, the burdens they carried, the countries they built!  All they need is a friendly face, someone willing to listen for a little while and a nudge now and again.  I know it would certainly make their day, give them something to think about, something to talk about, it may even give them something to look forward to ....apart from watching the seasons change.  If you have the privilege of having an older person in your family, take the time to sit and listen...it may be your last chance. And if you don't...there is always a nursing home nearby, all it takes is a willing ear.

If I could turn back time....

If I could turn back time....

It's amazing...how the mind works.  Just an afterthought of...oh...I will just look up my old high school website...can turn into a whole time warp.  Remembering the faces...the times...the incidences...time truly does turn back...and the memories that come flooding in....Wow!  Sometimes I wish I could go back to my teenage years....relive the high school years...but of course that is only if I could take back what I know now....the experience....the knowledge....the wisdom.  OMG...I really could have kicked butt back then...if only I could go back with what I know now.  But, of course, that isn't possible - not unless Sheldon and Leonard really HAVE built a time machine, and I have been able to access this so called Time Machine!....which I haven't. 

Looking back.....High School seemed so easy.  It didn't seem so at the time, but looking back...it SO was! After High School, life just seemed to continue to get harder and harder, choices to make, ideals to live up to, bills to pay, reality sets in....youth slips away.  Life needs to be lived.  But the choices one makes in those seemingly fertile years...how many of us live out those dreams?  I know I didn't.  Back in High School, my first thought was forensic science...I wanted to be a coroner.  I wanted to find out why people died...what had happened to them....I wanted to solve crimes.....but I knew I wasn't smart enough...so then I wanted to be a teacher.  Kindergarten...majoring in dance and movement.  Nurture the artistic side of myself.  So...when I failed my matriculation and all my dreams were duly squashed.....I moved to the nearest capital city...and became a receptionist.   A far cry from all those early dreams but the only job I could get at the time.

Being a receptionist...moved me into public service.  Public service moved me into customer service and then accounting, which is where I  now find myself.  In a job which is so far from what I really set out to do - not stuck in an office....working for the environment....making a change...becoming  and doing something important!

But oh, how our dreams can change.  You meet someone, start a family, your goals move and change with the wind.  Then, sometimes, you find yourself once again on your own, still with family, still with goals, but the need to provide for your family, far outweighs your goals and becomes THE most important part of your life. So you are left, waiting for the chance again, to become the person you set out to be.  Life truly does come full circle...sometimes faster...sometimes slower.  And you need to ask yourself....Am I doing what I set out to do?  What has changed?  What is more important now? What, really, is important to me..and why? And ultimately...do I have the courage to change?  And why not?  Life is far too short to be left wondering....what happened????