Saturday, 22 June 2013

Only the lonely.....

So, I am browsing the web, listening to my ipod, and realising that 90% of the songs I am listening to are related to love in one way or another.  So then I am thinking “What’s with that?”  I admit, it has been 8 years since my marriage disintegrated and to be honest there has not been too many relationships or dating since then.  It all seems too hard, and too easy to concentrate on being a busy single parent.  And my philosophy for the past 8 years has been...I’m not out there actively seeking, but if someone comes along, then I am open to the possibility.  Problem being that if you never go anywhere or do anything (apart from kid related which usually means meeting other parents – who are usually in loving, fulfilled, enriched and happy relationships) then the likelihood of “someone coming along” is practically zero. 

Yeah, I admit, I have also been doing the “getting to know me”...”sorting out what I want” selfish stage in the aftermath of a long term relationship breaking down but now I think I am at that stage where I really do miss having someone to share things with, to share time with...someone special.  8 years is definitely more than enough "me" time.  So then I start to I lonely....or am I alone?  What’s the difference??

After some thought, in my opinion, being alone, means you feel you have no one on whom you can reach out to in a time of need.  When you need support, if there is absolutely no one you can think of to call that will help you – that is the definition of alone.  Being or feeling alone is a very sad and desperate place to be.  In an earlier post I reiterated on my inability to ask for help when needed...but I know that if I really needed help, there are people I could ask, and I know they would help, without a doubt. 

So, if feeling alone means having no one, then feeling lonely must mean that you have people in your life, but those people aren’t fulfilling all of your emotional needs.   And I feel like that sometimes when I am in a room full of people, yet I feel like the only person in the room.  Not alone, but lonely.    My children, family and friends fill a large part of my life and I have no problem spending time by myself but I am missing the emotional, intimate relationship that only a partner can bring and so I sometimes feel ....lonely.

It must be time then....time for a change....time to start a new chapter in my life book.  I just hope I haven’t gotten too comfortable being by myself and doing my own thing or gotten too selfish to be open to the changes that a new relationship brings.  One thing I know for certain though is that life is far too short to be spent alone....or lonely.
And that it is definitely time for an ipod update.....

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