Sunday, 28 April 2013

Tunnel of love....

Why is it that when anyone finds out that you are middle aged and single...that you need condolences and perhaps the company of a friend of theirs that is also middle aged and single?  The idea that I might actually be happy being single is not up for discussion.  The fact that I do not have a partner is foremost in their minds....perhaps because I make an awkward number for dinner parties or gatherings or maybe the women I know ultimately think that I am out to steal their men and therefore make them one of the ostracised "singles" (just as a side ALL the women I know - I am NOT trying to steal your men - I do have morals - and in some cases, taste) or maybe they are just trying to be helpful and supportive when they suggest that their cousin - neighbour - workmate - friend's brother - neighbourhood psycho is "what a coincidence" also single and "just your type".

So, what is it that makes people who are "coupled" feel that they need to fix up their single friends?  Perhaps the "coupled" envy the "singles" as to their freedom and lack of rules.  Truthfully, once someone becomes part of a couple, the goalposts do change.  The "coupled" starts to spend less and less time with the "singles" as they fall more and more into their shared lives.  And why not?  When you find someone who completes you and who shares your ideals for the future and the direction your lives are certainly is special....grab hold and don't let go.  But does that in any way detract from the "singles" life and the direction that their lives are going? 

Single people are just as valuable as those that are in a relationship...single people have as much voice as those in a relationship...single people have as much to offer to the world as those in a relationship...single people are just as important as those in a relationship...single people feel emotions and suffer loss just as important as those in a relationship - except from the eyes of those IN a relationship.  From those people...we lack something...we are missing something...we are not a complete package...and that is not fair.

We do not need your sympathy, we do not need your pity, we certainly do not need your suggestions of who you think is "perfect for us".  What we do need is your friendship and your support of our single lifestyle.  If we say we are happy, content and fulfilled then believe us and allow us our secret envy of your coupledom happiness, because, ultimately that is what most of us truthfully want.

As we float down this tunnel of love, we are all eventually engulfed by either being single or part of a couple and the truth is that we are all as important as each other and that when we emerge into the dusky twilight in our faded fibreglass swans, that the person we ultimately love, is ourselves...whether we are single, or not.

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